This is a list of frequently (okay, never) asked questions about my cieling fan. I even provided useless answers.
It started out as a matte black. But since then, it has acquired this lovely tinge of dust. Not just your normal dust. But its my special dust. The kind of dust that only this room produces. Its magic stuff. It can make you go sane.
At this point, I can't really tell you exactly what color it is. Not that it really matters. Once its spinning, its the same color (and texture!) of the ceiling. Makes neat shadows though.
Of course not. While the rest of the country has 'ceiling fans', I have my own kind of fan. It looks remarkably like a 'ceiling fan' except that mine has a sense of individuality while still retaining the knowledge that it must appear to fit into society. (Hence the only minorly different spelling.)
Of course it does. Its quite good at it, too. Its so good at it that its been doing it for quite some time. My cieling fan has an effective uptime of nearly two years.
The fan has three 'on' states: 'slow', 'somewhat slower', and 'moving so slow its going in reverse'. I usually keep it on the middle setting for most of the year. The summer months usually require the faster version of slow, however. [Todo: insert link to cgi script that collects data from a tachometer.]
Counter-clockwise. It's got a little manual switch on it that supposedly makes it go the other direction. But I can't imagine why you'd want it to do such a thing. If it ever feels the need, it knows where the switch is. I'll let it be itself if it really feels the need. (It probabaly does this while I'm sleeping or not in the room. Damn individuals.)
Not initially. But in its old age, its begun to make said noises. Rather sad. Its been a good fan. (Not really. It doesn't work worth a damn. Don't tell it I said that. It'd kill me.)
I really don't want to know.
Yes. And thats all you want to know.
I hope not. It'd make one hell of a mess. And all the critters in the attic would come falling out of the ceiling through the hole that remained. Not to mention the fact that it would completely disturb the atmospheric conditions of my room.
I hope so. It is the will of the universe that all things eventually fall apart. I wouldn't want my fan to get a big ego out of disobeying the laws of thermodynamics.
I've spent years trying to find a fan that enjoyed Mahler. But this one just has to put up with it. I must learn not to give in to my household appliances.
I'm sure it is. There's plenty of celestial bodies to choose from and I'm sure it ended up aligned with at least one of them.
It does appear that way, doesn't it. Until you actually pay attention. Then you'll notice thats approximatly 21cm off-center to the air conditioning outlet with the pink flying banner thing attached. (Your question should've been, 'What is important about the 21cm?'.)
Stop trying to change the subject. This FAQ is only about the cieling fan.
Precisely eight mtndew cans (approximatly 42in).
Of course. Ask a physicist.
About six years ago, I had this huge oragami crane hanging from there. It was mangled in a bad dust storm and did not survive. I left the string there because I'm too lazy to cut it off. That, and it adds a nice 'lets bug adam with stupid questions' touch to it.
For a few weeks, there was this neat airplane made out of mtndew cans hanging from there. It has since disappeared (probably flew off). So its back to just being a string again.
Because there should be three. But I hate the number three. And I thoroughly enjoy the number two. So I only keep two installed. I don't need that other light anyway.
I'm lazy. And they enjoy spending their enternity with me. And they help cover up that hidiously wonderful design thats etched in the frosted glass cover thats over the light bulbs.
Probably. Its probably a very soothing place to be. Until you die under the heat of the bulbs. (Or maybe that is the soothing part...)
Technically, I'm somewhere around the fan. But that doesn't count.
No. But artwork donations are welcome.
Yes. I have really nifty telekenetic powers. But all I can do is dim things. I can't turn them on or off. I rely on the magic of X10 for that. I have a remote control for all the lights in my room. (I used to have a computer control too, until the module blew up.)
I will my laziness onto the Universe and it responds in fear. The fear is manifested in the lights going on and off and dimming.
Of course not. Its too much for you to comprehend. Anyone reading a FAQ about a cieling fan is obviously too slow to comprehend the metaphysics involved in me turning lights on and off without getting out of bed.
Fine. My X10 remotes, of course. Its a great technology for the insanely lazy, such as myself.
Much study has not gone into this. I'd like to see figures on the relationship between how much heat is dissipated by the moving parts of the fan into the room air and how much the human sense of temperature is affected by the air movement of the fan. I'd say both point towards this fan being an effective waster of energy -- having no useful output. But it looks neat. And I like the wurring noises. But its still 90degF in here on a regular basis.
It arose out of a conversation about the "rubber ducky" song that I was having with Amanda/Manda/Mandie.
Of course I am. Why else would I be writing this?
You should probably contact me immediatly if this FAQ was not fullfilling enough for you. I'll let you know the nearest psychiatric professional in your area.